a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
