okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
