I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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