Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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