Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
