I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
