Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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