And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
