Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
