i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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