Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we made out on top of his cat.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
