Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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