omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
