I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.