I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized