i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like