My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm always down for nudity.
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