I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
