We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
