Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
