Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There r osticjed everywhere
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
