If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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