Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
