after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's never too late to be topless.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
