She's JV to your varsity
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
