I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
