Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize