Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
