My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
