Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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