mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize