This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
