So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
