Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
