You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
