I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Boobs are out for the taking
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
