I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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