Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
