I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball