I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
ttyl tear gas
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.