My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future