Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.