I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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