The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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