sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
