Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I supernannyed him into submission
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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