We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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