omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
