I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
