One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
