i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
