are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
