we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
