For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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