there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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