There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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