I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im about as happy as oj after his trial
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
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We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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