do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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