...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
