dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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