I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You took a bar mat shot.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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