Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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