everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
