you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
