you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
