you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
