i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
