I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
