he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
