I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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