im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
