My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize