singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
