i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
