im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just had sex bonerless
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
