sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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