took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
