i permit you to call me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
