please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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