Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
