My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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